


Syncing Up

by d2fmeasurement



Category: Silicon Valley (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-29
Updated: 2015-04-29
Packaged: 2018-03-26 09:16:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,855
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3845470
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/d2fmeasurement/pseuds/d2fmeasurement





	Syncing Up

Most of the guys didn’t notice Dinesh binge drinking. They were all incredibly stressed and ready to get trashed themselves. But Gilfoyle suspected that Dinesh wasn’t just upset about Pied Piper.

 

He sat down across from him and said, “Here. I got you a glass of water so you don’t get too wasted.”

 

Dinesh looked up with surprise, “…uh. Thanks.” He almost took a sip but then looked at Gilfoyle suspiciously. “Is there spit in this or something?”

 

“No, that would’ve been funny though,” Gilfoyle said. “So, you just walked away from that girl who wanted to have sex with you, huh?”

  
Dinesh furrowed his eyebrows. “Uh…yeah. We were going to and I started thinking about you– I mean, your code…It was disturbing. I just…”

 

“Just most guys wouldn’t just walk away,” he said. “You’re always claiming to want sex so badly.”

 

“I do, I just–” Dinesh frowned and then busied himself with drinking his water.

 

“Why’d you walk away from her, Dinesh?” Gilfoyle asked seriously.

 

“It made sense at the time!” he said defensively.

 

“Were you enjoying it?” he asked.

 

Dinesh started to cringe a little without realizing it. “She’s very beautiful,” he said after a long time.

 

“Mmhmm,” Gilfoyle said.

 

“What are you trying to say?” Dinesh asked him with annoyance. “If you’re trying to make fun of me and say I’m gay for you again, haha, we get it. Very funny.”

 

“I’m not joking about it right now,” he said. “I just really think you might be gay or something. Honestly.”

 

“Fuck you, man,” he said.

 

“I’m trying to help!”

 

“Even if I were gay, I wouldn’t be into you,” he said. “You would be literally the last person on Earth I would ever want to be with.”

 

Gilfoyle looked at him for a moment and then said, “I didn’t bring up you being into me at all.”

 

“Well– you– I mean, it was heavily implied because this whole thing started with you being all obsessed with me liking your code,” he said.

 

“The one that you were more interested in than the woman you were touching.”

 

Dinesh shrugged a little. “I’m going to bed,” he said.

 

He stood up and started walking back to his hotel room. He looked over his shoulder and glared when he saw that Gilfoyle was right behind him.

 

“Are you following me?” he asked.

 

“We’re sharing a room, remember?” Gilfoyle said gently.

 

“Mm,” Dinesh said noncommittally before they began walking up to the room.

———————————————————————————-

Dinesh watched from his bed as Gilfoyle slid off all his clothes except his boxers. “Are you trying to make some point right now? Trying to entice me or something?”

 

“No, I’m just taking off my clothes in a normal way before I go to bed,” Gilfoyle said. He went to turn off his laptop but then smirked back at Dinesh. “Want to see a new code I made?”

 

Dinesh shrugged. “No. Not really. I’m sleepy.”

 

“It’s better than the one you were so in love with.”

 

“I doubt that,” Dinesh said.

 

“I made that code in like a half an hour as a favor to someone while on company business,” Gilfoyle reminded him. He smiled a little and said, “And it was still good enough to make you fall in love.”

 

Dinesh shrugged again.

 

Gilfoyle started to close his laptop, but Dinesh said, “Okay. Okay. I want to see it.”

 

Gilfoyle set the laptop in front of him. Dinesh let out a pained sigh.

 

“Fine. You’re very talented. Is that what you want to hear?” he asked. “I admire your work very much.” He turned away from the laptop. Gilfoyle’s body was right next to his face. He let out a long breath. “That’s all I feel for you is admiration for your work. And, you know, disgust, obviously.”

 

“Sure. Okay,” Gilfoyle said. “I just thought you might be into getting a little action. That’s all.”

 

“Even if I was attracted to you, which would be absurd for several reasons that I don’t have to point out, I would never admit it because I wouldn’t get any action. I’d just get your eternal mockery.”

 

“You’d get my eternal mockery either way,” Gilfoyle reminded him. “But, for the record, I would love to be with you.”

 

“Shut the fuck up, dude. I know teasing me is what you do, but you’re getting weird with it,” he said.

 

“Fine. Never mind,” he said. He closed his laptop. Dinesh inadvertently let out a pained noise when Gilfoyle closed the laptop and he couldn’t look at the code anymore. Gilfoyle got up to go to his own bed.

 

“Wait,” Dinesh said.

 

Gilfoyle looked back, with an eager flicker in his eyes that Dinesh didn’t care for at all. “If you were actually at all interested in doing things with me– or any man– it would’ve come up at some point before now. So obviously your offer is just a set up.”

 

“Or I hadn’t really thought of it before but being in close quarters with you all the time brought it out in me. Like what happened with you being around me,” Gilfoyle said flatly.

 

Dinesh narrowed his eyes at him for a while before finally saying, “Go to sleep, Gilfoyle.”

 

Gilfoyle got in his bed, pulled the covers over himself and closed his eyes. After a few seconds, he felt a tap on his shoulder. “Yes?” he asked without opening his eyes.

 

“I could really get action?”

 

Gilfoyle grinned as he opened his eyes. “Yes, you could really get action.” When Dinesh didn’t move at all, Gilfoyle patted the spot next to him.

 

Dinesh still didn’t totally trust this situation, so to buy time, he asked, “What about Tara?”

 

“The concept of infidelity is not really part of our belief system,” Gilfoyle said, like it was obvious. 

 

He patted the spot next to himself on the bed again.

 

Dinesh sat down nervously and Gilfoyle immediately started kissing him. A rush of excitement went over him and he started kissing Gilfoyle back harder, pressing his body against Gilfoyle as much as he could, needing to feel closer to him.

——————————————————————————-

When Gilfoyle finally pulled away, Dinesh whined and shook his head, leaning into him again. Gilfoyle laughed and said, “I just need a glass of water, then we can get back to it.”

 

Dinesh nodded, trying to act as cool as he could after that.

 

“I think after this, we should do more than kiss,” Gilfoyle called out casually as he filled a water glass.

 

“Yeah,” Dinesh agreed. “Except every possible interpretation of that terrifies me. So that’s a problem.”

 

“Even me blowing you?” he asked curiously as he sat down next to Dinesh and started petting him. Dinesh leaned into his hand but then self-consciously leaned away.

 

“What? You don’t like that?” Gilfoyle asked.

 

“I just don’t understand how you’re not more uncomfortable right now,” Dinesh said.

 

“You weren’t uncomfortable when we were making out the last hour,” Gilfoyle said as he started petting him again.

 

“Yeah, but we didn’t have to really think about it or look at each other or talk,” he said. “Now it’s weird.”

 

“No, it’s not,” he said dismissively. “I think you should let me fuck you.”

 

Dinesh paused for a while, then said. “Of course you do. No thanks.”

 

“There was a pause where you had to think about it,” Gilfoyle pointed out.

  
“No, that was me vomiting into my mouth,” he said.

 

“Well, do you want to fuck me?” Gilfoyle asked.

 

Dinesh looked at him with surprise and thought about it. “Not especially,” he said, wondering if that was the right answer. “Would you…want that?”

 

“Not especially,” Gilfoyle said. “You should let me fuck you.”

 

“Okay, here’s the thing,” he said. “Putting aside the fact that I literally only fully realized I’m interested in men about ninety minutes ago…you seem like you would get inside me and actually try to murder me with your penis. For real. You would be trying to kill me.”

 

“Thank you,” Gilfoyle said with a nod. “I admit that probably my ultimate goal if we were to keep being with each other sexually would be to destroy you, but for now, considering it’s your first time, I could try to be gentle and make sure you enjoy it.”

 

“You would really do that?” Dinesh asked suspiciously. Gilfoyle nodded. “Why?”

 

“You know,” he said. “Don't make me say it.”

 

“What?”

 

“I like you,” Gilfoyle said with a shrug.

 

Dinesh frowned at him. “What? No, you don’t.”

 

“Yes, I do,” he said. “And you like me.”

 

“Shut the fuck up,” Dinesh said.

 

Gilfoyle laughed. Dinesh slapped him. “Don’t…look happy. It’s weird.”

 

“Look. I like you, okay? We’ve been spending practically all our time together…you’re my best friend,” he said.

 

“Oh God, you’re my best friend too,” Dinesh said. “Fuck me.”

 

Gilfoyle grinned and said, “I’d love to.”

 

“That is not what I meant,” Dinesh said.

 

Gilfoyle kissed him and lightly ran his hand over Dinesh’s ass before squeezing it.

 

“I’d really like to,” he told him.

 

Dinesh nodded nervously. “Yeah.” He pulled Gilfoyle closer, “Yes.”

———————————————————————————-

Dinesh shoved Gilfoyle awake the next morning. Gilfoyle propped himself up on his elbows and checked the clock. “Fuck you. I still have another hour to sleep,” he said.

 

“But, I realized that now that we’re having sex that means we can start having morning sex,” Dinesh told him excitedly.

 

Gilfoyle laughed and pulled Dinesh towards him. “Come here, fuck toy.”

———————————————————————————-

“Are we going to let anyone know about us?” Dinesh asked as he and Gilfoyle filled up bowls of cereal at the hotel breakfast. “Because I know lying isn’t your thing unless it’s for the sake of mindless destruction, but I’m not really comfortable with people thinking I would have sexual relations with you.”

 

“You mean ‘knowing’ that you would, not ‘thinking’,” Gilfoyle said as they walked to a table. “Anyway, I think as long as we’re at TechCrunch they’ll be too busy worrying about the company. But once we’re back at the house, they’re going to notice. Assuming this is going to be an ongoing thing. Which does seem to be your assumption.”

 

Dinesh’s face fell. “We’re…we’re not going to keep having sex?” he asked. “Why not…I thought…”

 

“I’m just pointing out that you made an assumption,” he said. “And reminding you that people have weird vacation hook ups all the time. And that, unlike you, I don’t need this because I have other sexual options.”

 

“Alright, fuck off, nevermind,” Dinesh said, standing up and walking away. Gilfoyle grabbed Dinesh’s ugly polo shirt.

 

“I want this to be an ongoing thing,” he said.

 

Dinesh hesitated. “Sexually, I do too. Very much. Very very much. But I’m not sure I could handle a relationship with you emotionally. I mean, you’re maybe the most sadistic human being I have ever met, why would I walk into that?”

 

“You’re already putting up with my sadism all the time,” he pointed out. “You should at least get to come.”

 

“That’s actually a really good point. I’m back in,” Dinesh said as he sat back down. “So, are you going to tell people or not?”

 

“I think they’ll figure it out,” he said. “We’re in really closer quarters. There’ll be a vibe.”

 

“We don’t have to have a vibe if we try not to have a vibe. We could fight against it.”

 

“I didn’t realize you were so homophobic,” Gilfoyle said.

 

“Excuse me? That has nothing to do with this,” he said.

 

“You’re embarrassed to have everyone know you’re with a guy,” he said.

 

“No, I’m embarrassed to have everyone know I’m with you,” he said.

 

“Instead of pretending to be offended by that, I’d just like to point out that ‘everyone’ in this situation is our constantly stoned landlord, the only guy on Earth who’s even nerdier than you and someone who thinks Pied Piper is a really cool name,” Gilfoyle said.

 

“I guess that’s true,” he said with a sigh. “And…I am sort of excited to be able to say that I’ve had sex of any kind in the past 5 years.”

 

“There’s my boy,” Gilfoyle said, patting his knee.

——————————————————————————-

“Finished my module,” Gilfoyle said, standing up from his cubicle. He looked at Dinesh and said, “Time to get fucked. Come on.”

 

Dinesh flipped him off as he stood up. It was weeks later and everyone was fairly used to this except for Jared, who still managed to get flustered every time.

 

“Um, okay, compliment sandwich time. It is good that you finished your module, Gilfoyle. I think you could try to be more appropriate when we’re working by not talking about taking breaks for intercourse and that work you did yesterday was really quality,” Jared said.

 

Gilfoyle walked to the bedroom without even acknowledging him.

 

“Dinesh, could you talk to him about his behavior?”

 

Dinesh glared at Jared and said, “Yeah, it never occurred to me to ask him to not discuss fucking me in front of everyone I work with, but now that you’re asking, I’ll totally get on that.” He shook his head at Jared before following Gilfoyle into their bedroom.

 

“I know you’re trying to make a cool, new kind of company, but you don’t like them having intercourse in the middle of the work day like that, do you?” Jared asked Richard. “Also I’m very worried about the sturdiness of Gilfoyle's bunk bed.”

 

“The whole going off to– do stuff– in the middle of the day thing isn’t ideal and neither is the announcing it, but I don’t know…this is where we live. We take breaks to nap or play video games and never stopped that so…I don’t know,” he said. “And they’ve actually been getting more work done.”

 

“Because it’s…invigorating?” Jared asked uncertainly.

 

Richard stared back at him and shook his head. “Let’s…not…”

 

“Right. Good idea,” he said.

 

They worked in silence for a minute before hearing Gilfoyle shout, “I’m going to stab you in the fucking face!”

 

Richard and Jared both nervously sat up straighter and exchanged a look as they wondered if they should do something. But seconds later, they heard Dinesh shout, “Fuck yes!” They let out a collective breath of relief.

 

“It’s very alarming how often I wonder if someone needs to step in for safety’s sake,” Jared said.

 

“I know. They’re like the boy who cried wolf of deviant sex,” Richard said.

 

Jared laughed. “You’re so funny. With your apt analogies.”

 

Richard nodded politely. “Thanks.” When the moaning from the other room got louder, Richard said, “Uh, do you want to put on some music?”

 

“Sure,” Jared said as he plugged the speaker into his iPhone. “I’ve actually been working on a playlist of my 100 favorite love songs of all time. It wasn’t prompted by anything, I just find list-making soothing and love songs are a very common genre so…that’s why it came to mind.”

 

“Okay,” Richard agreed as ‘Love You Madly’ started playing. “I’m just happy to not be listening to my friends' sex noises.”

 

“Yes, they’re disturbing,” Jared said.

 

Richard nodded in agreement and bit his lip. He leaned in a little closer and asked Jared, “Can I confess something to you?”

 

Jared nodded hard and said, “Yes! You can tell me anything!”

 

“I never thought of myself as homophobic or anything like that, but with Dinesh and Gilfoyle, like…together,” he said. “I don’t know. It’s just weird.”

 

Jared nodded politely, but Richard could tell he’d lost him.

 

“Just…” Richard said quickly, immediately feeling bad. “I don’t mean it’s weird like being gay is weird just, like…” His eye started twitching nervously. “Like, if I knew a gay guy I’d just be like ‘cool that’s the gay guy I know’ but it’s weird suddenly finding it out…Sorry. I’m being an asshole. I’ll shut up.”

 

Jared didn’t respond right away, but eventually said, “Given the new information that you feel uncomfortable finding out new information about your acquaintance’s orientations, I suppose I should get this out of the way as soon as possible: I’m actually gay as well. Well, I’m actually bisexual, but I feel weird saying that because I feel like you’re supposed to be attractive and hip if you call yourself bisexual…”

 

“Um, that’s great,” Richard said. “I mean, you know, I don’t care either way. Uh, thanks for telling me.”

——————————————————————————-

The next day, Richard, Dinesh and Gilfoyle were driving to have lunch together.

 

“Did you guys know that Jared is gay too?” he asked. “I mean, bisexual.”

 

“No,” Dinesh said. “But to be fair, I give absolutely no thought to Jared. Honestly, even when he’s talking directly to me, I just feel like I’m reading a memo that was handed to me.”

 

“I’m kind of surprised,” Gilfoyle said. “I thought he was just in love with you in a heterosexual I-wish-that-guy-was-my-bro kind of way.”

 

“Wait, in love with me? What, um, what are you talking about?” Richard asked.

 

“Jared’s in love with you,” Gilfoyle said.

 

“How long have you thought this?” Richard asked.

 

“Since the first time I met him, when he showed up at your house with a bottle of champagne and told you he was willing to leave his incredibly comfortable job to help you run a company out of Erlich’s house,” he said.

 

“That wasn’t– he just liked my program,” Richard said.

 

“Yeah, well, that’s what some guys care about most in a mate,” Gilfoyle said, reaching over to squeeze Dinesh’s hand a little.

——————————————————————————–

Later that day, Richard was working when he sat up a little straighter, gulping hard.

 

“Are you about to panic vomit?” Jared asked him.

 

Richard looked over. “I felt a little something but I think it passed,” he said. After a pause, he said, “That was…perceptive.”

 

“Your about-to-vomit mannerisms are very distinct,” Jared informed him, smiling. “Do you need me to rub your back to make sure the feeling doesn’t come back?”

 

“Okay,” Richard said. As Jared started rubbing his back, he let out a breath and said, “God, that makes it feel so much better.”

 

“I read some online articles aimed at people whose significant others have chronic stomach problems,” Jared told him. “Not that you’re– because it was affecting your work and your work is my concern…”

 

“Right,” Richard said. He closed his eyes and said, “That feels so good.”

 

As Jared massaged him, Richard drifted off and started thinking about what Gilfoyle had said. Like he did whenever he was presented with new information, he played out a scenario in his head. He imagined confronting Jared about it and Jared being offended and insisting it wasn’t true and laughing at him and saying he was an asshole and refusing to talk to him anymore even at the expense of the company so that Pied Piper quickly crashed and burned and Richard ended up homeless.

 

“It was working but then you tensed up again, what’s wrong?” Jared asked as he started rubbing his shoulders harder.

 

“Nothing. Work stuff. That is really impressive,” Richard said.

 

He imagined asking Jared if he was in love with him again. He imagined Jared admitting that he was and saying he hoped it wasn’t weird. He imagined assuring him that it wasn’t weird at all. And then, to his surprise, he imagined kissing Jared. And it was nice.

 

“That’s better. Release all that tension,” Jared said in a soothing voice.

 

“Yeah,” Richard said softly. “Hey, Jared?”

 

“Yes?”

 

“Are you in love with me?” Richard asked.

 

There was a long silence and then, “Pardon?”

 

“I’m so sorry,” Richard said, opening his eyes and standing up as he realized what he’d said. “That was stupid. It’s just this thing Gilfoyle said. He’s convinced that– I don’t know. It’s Gilfoyle. He doesn’t know what he’s talking about.”

 

“He actually does,” Jared said.

 

Richard looked at Jared with surprise. “Do you mean just in general or…”

 

“In general, yes,” he said. “I mean, Gilfoyle is very intelligent. But, also, in this specific instance. Yes, he is right. I hope that’s not weird.”

 

“It’s not weird at all,” Richard told him. “In fact, I, um…can I kiss you?”

 

“Yes, is my instinctive answer because I’ve been fantasizing about it for so long,” Jared said. “However, this is a situation that makes you nervous and uncomfortable so I’d calculate about a 75% chance of you vomiting directly into my mouth if we kissed right now.”

 

Richard grinned. “I’m actually not uncomfortable,” he told him as he stepped closer to Jared. “I’m not uncomfortable at all.”

 

Jared grinned down at him and tilted his face up so he could kiss him. Richard eagerly kissed back. They kept kissing until they heard a voice.

 

“Way to rip off our style, man,” Gilfoyle said. Richard looked over and saw Dinesh and Gilfoyle standing there. “We were gay first, assholes.”

 

“Not to pry, Richard, I guess I’m happy for you if that’s what you’re into, but you’re the best-looking guy in this house and he has the charisma of a stapler," Dinesh said.

 

Richard wasn’t sure how to respond to that, so he just looked at Gilfoyle and asked, “You’re not upset that your boyfriend just called me the best-looking guy in this house?”

 

“First off, I don’t believe in the construct of ‘boyfriends’,” Gilfoyle said. “And I’m comfortable with it because I far exceed you in other areas. Anyway, I’d like to agree with Dinesh’s original sentiment of being happy for you if that’s what you’re into.”

 

“Thank you,” Richard said, defiantly taking Jared’s hand. “It is. And if you guys are all gonna make billions of dollars off of my program then you have to start being nicer to my boyfriend.”

 

“Boyfriend?” Erlich asked as he walked in from the living room. He frowned when he saw Jared and Richard holding hands. “Are you fucking kidding me? Everyone in my house ended up being with a dude and none of you picked me? Unacceptable!”

 

“Um, sorry, Erlich,” Richard murmured.

 

“I demand to know why you would choose Casper the World’s Tallest Ghost over me!” Erlich said.

 

“Well, for starters, he’s actually interested in me and you’re not so…”

 

“You know, you being with Erlich would make a lot more sense,” Gilfoyle said.

 

“How would that make more sense?” Richard asked.

 

“Well, every relationship needs one person who’s actually a powerful force,” Gilfoyle said. “You know, someone who can actually make decisions so everything doesn’t fall apart. You and Jared are just gonna wander around like two lost puppies together.”

 

“I’m being referred to in the third person a lot in this conversation. Should I leave?” Jared asked.

 

“I do not like the implications in what Gilfoyle just said, in regards to our relationship at all,” Dinesh said. “That is very emasculating to me. However, he might be right about you and Jared. But good luck.”

 

Gilfoyle and Dinesh headed towards their room.

 

“Someone in this house has at least jerked it thinking about me, right?” Erlich demanded.

———————————————————————————-

“Oh, fuck, I’m done, I’m done,” Richard shouted as he pulled on Jared’s hair.

 

Jared sat up as he swallowed. “You’re so aggressive when you’re finishing,” he said with a little giggle.

 

“You are so ridiculously good at that,” Richard told him.

 

Jared smiled proudly. “I just really like to please you,” he said.

 

Richard nodded politely, secretly feeling a little uncomfortable, the way he always did when Jared said stuff like that. “I should, uh…reciprocate,” he said nervously.

 

“Oh, um…you can if you want to,” Jared said. He looked down at the lump in his pants and said, “I’m certainly ready for it.”

 

Richard nodded. “Okay. Cool.”

 

He pulled Jared’s pants and underwear down and looked at it for a minute.

 

“I know it’s not perfectly symmetrical,” Jared said apologetically.

 

“That’s fine,” Richard assured him. “I guess I’ll just, uh…”

 

He leaned forward and started lightly sucking on it. Wow, this isn’t that bad, he thought. It’s kind of nice and soothing. But it only took a second for him to feel sick. He still ambitiously tried to take a little more in his mouth, but immediately regretted it. He sat up and started coughing.

 

“Oh no…no,” Jared said.

 

“I’m fi–” Richard stopped talking and immediately hurried to the bathroom to kneel over the toilet.

 

He returned twenty minutes later after thoroughly rinsing his mouth out. He sat down next to Jared and let out a breath.

 

“I’m sorry,” he said.

 

“No, I’m sorry,” Jared said. “I should have foreseen that.”

 

“You kind of got shortchanged in terms of boyfriends,” Richard murmured.

 

Jared smiled at him and said, “Just hearing you use the word ‘boyfriend’ in reference to me made me as happy as any blow job, Richard.” Richard grinned and kissed him. “That said, I would very much like to masturbate now for release.”

————————————————————————————

As Gilfoyle pulled out of Dinesh, Dinesh squeezed him tightly, nuzzling his head against his chest hard. He was still in the period right after sex when he felt too blissful to be self-conscious and was unabashedly showing his gratitude. Gilfoyle smirked happily down at him.

 

“I love you,” he said matter-of-factly.

 

“Mm,” Dinesh said distractedly. He let out a breath, then frowned as he slowly sat up. “Wait, what?” he asked.

 

“I love you,” Gilfoyle said with a shrug.

 

Dinesh kept staring at him.

 

“Don’t worry about saying it back. I don’t really have the emotional range it takes to be disappointed that my love is unrequited. Good night.”

 

Gilfoyle turned off the light and lazily pulled Dinesh against him as he closed his eyes.

———————————————————————————–

“Richard, can I talk to you for a minute?” Dinesh asked uncomfortably the next day.

 

“Uh, sure,” Richard said, feeling pretty confused since, even though they were friends, they didn’t really talk about things. Dinesh led him outside and sat down by the pool.

 

“Gilfoyle said ‘I love you’ to me.”

 

“Oh. That’s great, man,” Richard said.

 

“No, it’s not,” Dinesh said.

 

“Why? Because you don’t feel the same way?”

 

“What? No. Because he’s obviously fucking with me,” he said. “I mean, what do you think his endgame is?”

 

“Um…I don’t know. Maybe he loves you,” Richard said.

 

“That’s stupid. You’re not helping,” Dinesh said, getting up and walking away.

———————————————————————————-

He found Gilfoyle sitting on their bunk bed and sat down next to him.

 

“Why did you say that you love me?”

 

“I refuse to answer that question because it’s stupid.”

 

“You don’t feel those kinds of emotions,” Dinesh told him.

 

“Maybe not,” Gilfoyle said. “For me, there are certain things in life that give me pleasure and I try to surround myself with those things as much as possible. You’re the thing that pleases me the most. My interpretation of that is that it’s essentially my version of being in love.”

 

“I please you the most? Gilfoyle, you’re in love with blow jobs,” Dinesh said with annoyance.

 

“I’ve only been with you and I don’t believe in morality or that anyone owes fidelity to anyone else, so what does that tell you?” Gilfoyle asked.

 

Dinesh shrugged a little.

 

“I know I’m not some overly doting type, but this relationship has been working, so I don’t know why it surprises you that much that I love you.”

 

“I don’t know. I guess because I don’t love you,” Dinesh said. “Sorry if that’s harsh.”

 

“It’s not,” he said. “Just be honest with me. I don’t give a fuck.”

 

“That’s the thing! I would care if I loved someone who didn’t love me back! I would really care. Because I have sensitivities and feelings and all that stuff. So, I just always assumed that I would always feel more strongly for you than you do for me,” he said. “Just by virtue of being more capable of those feelings.”

 

“You are more of a pussy,” Gilfoyle said with a nod. “But, let’s face it. I’m the one who actually chose to be in this relationship. You find me pretty off-putting but are incapable of having a conversation with almost anyone else, let alone getting them to sleep with you. So you settled for what you could get. Of course I feel more strongly for you than you do for me.”

 

“This conversation is really freaking me out. Can you just ask me to blow you or threaten to slash my throat and bathe in my blood?” Dinesh asked.

 

Gilfoyle smiled a little and put a hand on his shoulder. “Of course.”  
\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Gilfoyle and Dinesh were at their desks working when their knees touched. Gilfoyle reached over and squeezed Dinesh’s leg and Dinesh moved into his lap. Gilfoyle slid his hands into the back of Dinesh’s pants.

 

“It always escalates so quickly,” Jared said with amazement as he watched.

 

Richard nodded. “Every time I think ‘oh yeah their hands are brushing. That’s not a problem and then it’s just…this.”

 

Dinesh started kissing down Gilfoyle’s neck as Gilfoyle looked over at them. “It’s called sexual passion and all couples have it. Well, almost all couples," Gilfoyle said.

 

“What? Is that a…pointed comment or something?” Richard asked.

 

“Uh, yeah. You and your boyfriend act like strangers. No, I take that back. I’ve had way sexier interactions with strangers. You two are like brothers who hate each other and are also attending a funeral.”

 

“We’re just being work appropriate,” Richard said.

 

Dinesh pulled his face away from Gilfoyle’s neck long enough to say, “Richard, honestly, all joke’s aside, I had legitimately forgotten that you and Jared were a thing.”

 

“We’re a thing. We’re brimming with sexual passion,” Jared said. Richard immediately cringed, embarrassed.

 

“As much as us?” Gilfoyle challenged.

 

“It’s pretty apparent to everyone in this house that no one else can match you in frequency or…volume,” Jared said. “But everyone expresses love in different ways.” Richard looked up with wide eyes at the word ‘love.’ “I mean, not love. But…fondness. Romantic fondness.”

 

“You sound less and less like people who are having sex with each other the more you talk about it,” Dinesh told him.

 

“We have sex every three to five days,” Jared told them.

 

“Shh. You’re not helping and I’m very embarrassed right now,” Richard said, looking down at his feet.

 

“You don’t have to be embarrassed. You’re just not as good a couple as Dinesh and me,” Gilfoyle said.

 

“Whoa, okay, the fact that we’re not all gross and into PDA all the time doesn’t mean we’re not as good a couple,” Richard said. “I mean, do you guys do anything besides have weird, violent sex? Because we actually talk and stuff.”

 

“We could kick your ass in a who’s the best couple contest any day,” Dinesh said.

 

“Dinesh, we’ve all seen the ‘Gilfoyle’ playlist on your iTunes. Most of those songs are blatantly about domestic violence,” Richard told him.

 

“It’s not my fault all the best songwriters in history are wifebeaters. That’s just an unfortunate cultural footnote.”

 

“Gilfoyle, I will concede that you guys are a better couple than us right now if you can say one nice thing about Dinesh. And it can’t be about any parts of him that you put stuff in," Richard said, crossing his arms defiantly.

 

“Okay. Easy,” Gilfoyle said. “Dinesh. I love that underneath your veneer of acting like a good person, you’re one of the most cold and ruthless people I’ve ever met. It’s adorable.”

 

Dinesh stared at him. “Holy shit, Gilfoyle. It would’ve been so much less disturbing if you’d just said something gross about my asshole.”

 

Erlich walked in. “How come every time I come home, Dinesh is using Gilfoyle as a chair? Do we not have enough chairs? That’s sarcasm. There’s an empty chair right there.”

 

“Erlich. Settle something. Who’s a better couple? Dinesh and me or Richard and Jared?”

 

“That’s easy, Richard and Jared,” Erlich said.

 

“Thank you!” Richard said victoriously.

 

“Yeah, Gilfoyle and Dinesh have an extremely uncomfortable vibe, but you and Jared just remind me of my parents. Although, come to think of it, I don’t know if I’ve ever seen my parents touch.” He thought about it for a minute. “Oh, when my mom went in for her CAT Scan, my dad touched her hand. Yeah. That’s kind of your guys’ type of deal.”

 

“We have passion,” Richard insisted.

 

“Yeah. That’s why you looked like someone had punched you in the gut when Jared said ‘love,'" Gilfoyle said smugly. 

 

“Well, Dinesh didn’t say anything back when you told him that you love him either,” Richard reminded him.

 

Gilfoyle turned to Dinesh with surprise. “You told Richard that?”

 

“I needed someone to talk to,” Dinesh said, feeling kind of guilty.

 

“Wait, Gilfoyle said he loved you and you didn’t say it back?” Erlich asked Dinesh. He shrugged a little. “And, Richard, the same thing happened with you and Jared?”

 

“It’s more like it just slips out some time and then when I see Richard’s look of horror I quickly say ‘never mind’,” Jared told him. He quickly added, “I’m not upset by it. I’m completely comfortable.”

 

“That’s believable,” Gilfoyle said sarcastically. Dinesh looked at him, so he quickly added, “I meant it’s not believable that Jared wouldn’t be upset by it. I’m fine with my similar situation. He’s more fragile.”

 

“Well, clearly that’s the answer to the who’s a better couple question,” Erlich said. “Which one of you is closer to being mutually in love?”

 

“You know, it was a dumb competition,” Richard said. “We should be working. I have a bunch of errands I actually have to run.”

 

“Yeah me too,” Dinesh said, hurrying up.

\------------------------------------

Richard was changing clothes to get into bed when Jared walked in. “Oh hey,” Richard said. “I was worried you weren’t going to sleep over tonight.”

 

“Oh no. Of course I am. Unless you don’t want me to,” Jared said.

 

“I do. It just sort of felt like we were fighting or something,” he said. “Or like…maybe you were upset about the…’I love you’ situation.”

 

“No, not at all,” he said. “I’m just glad you’re not upset. Because, you know, I don’t mean to make things uncomfortable. I’ll just be watching you doing something or I’ll hear you say something and suddenly I just say ‘I love you’ before I’ve even realized what I’m saying.”

 

“That’s so incredibly sweet,” Richard told him. “I’m sorry that I don’t do the same thing. And I’m sorry this isn’t some passionate, tear-your-ass up relationship. And I’m sorry I said tear-your-ass-up just then. That’s gross. Right? Or is it not? Is that what it should be like? Should I always be pushing you up against the wall and tearing your clothes off? Because I don’t know if I can do that. Actually, I definitely can’t. I’m sorry.”

 

“Richard,” Jared said. “I’m comfortable with the level of passion in our relationship. For the record…I would definitely let you do anything you wanted to me sexually.”

 

“…okay. I mean…no thanks,” Richard said.

 

“Understood,” Jared said.

 

Richard started gently kissing him then unbuttoned his shirt and ran his hands over him. “Jared, just so you know…I am really attracted to you. I don’t know how to pin you down and do…whatever guys do after they pin someone down…but that doesn’t mean I’m not really into you. And I’m sorry I haven’t really…shown that before.” He started kissing down his neck.

 

“It’s okay,” Jared said.

 

“No, it’s not. I’ve kind of always just taken you for granted. Because you’ve just always been here and it’s been easy but…I really do like you.” He smiled down at him and then started kissing down his chest.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------

“Come here, fuck toy,” Gilfoyle said, grabbing Dinesh and pulling him into bed.

 

“Don’t call me that,” Dinesh said. “You know, I want to have real, actual conversations. I don’t want to be some fuck toy.”

 

“Yes you do,” Gilfoyle told him. “You told me that your biggest fantasy is to be a robot who only exists to program code and fuck.”

 

“Okay, don’t throw stuff like that back at me when I’m trying to—“

 

“You know, that knowledge about your desire to be a fuckbot? I know that from one of the real, actual conversations we’ve had.”

 

“Talking about our sexual fantasies does not count as an actual emotional connection.”

 

Gilfoyle looked at him seriously. “It felt like it to me. But fine. What do you want to talk about?”

 

“For starters, did you mean that thing about me being cold and ruthless?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“That’s a terrible thing to say,” Dinesh said.

 

“I didn’t mean it as a bad thing.”

 

“I’m a good person!”

 

“…okay,” Gilfoyle said.

 

“You don’t believe I’m a good person?”

 

“I think ‘good’ has a lot of different meanings. Do I think you’re caring or that you’re not selfish? Not especially. Those qualities aren’t that important.”

 

“You’re such a dick,” Dinesh said, standing up and walking out.

 

“Erlich turned your bedroom into a gym when you started sleeping in my room,” Gilfoyle reminded him.

 

“I’ll sleep on the couch,” Dinesh said.

\---------------------------------

When Gilfoyle walked into the kitchen the next day, Jared was making breakfast.

 

“Where’s everyone else?” he asked.

 

“They all saw that Dinesh had slept on the couch and wanted to avoid witnessing an awkward interaction.”

 

“Do you know where Dinesh went?” he asked.

 

“He didn’t tell me,” Jared told him. “Do you mind if I asked what happened? You two have seemed so happy with your loud, aggressive, constant lovemaking.”

 

“Yeah, I thought we were happy,” he said. “But now Dinesh is pissed because I called him a terrible person even though that’s obviously a compliment coming from me. Morality is stupid. Dinesh isn’t stupid. He’s smart. In fact, he’s perfect.”

 

“Well, in my experience it’s not a good idea to tell someone they have qualities generally considered negative, even if you mean it in a positive way. Like if you’re interested in obese women, even if you find that very attractive, you shouldn’t actually tell a woman that’s why you think she’s attractive. Trust me on that one.”

 

Gilfoyle nodded in acknowledgement.

 

“Just a suggestion, but maybe you could tell Dinesh he’s perfect and leave out the whole unpleasant thought process?”

 

“That’s good advice, Jared. If you ever want me to give you some pointers on having crazy awesome sex, just let me know. I feel like Richard seems like he has one really weird thing. I bet he likes to feel like a baby cow.”

 

“I will keep that offer in mind,” Jared said.

\--------------------------------------------

Gilfoyle found Dinesh binge eating at In-N-Out.

 

“Did you come to tell me that I seem like I might be half-demon and that’s super-cute?”

 

“You did kind of know my type when we first got together,” Gilfoyle said, sliding in next to him.

 

“I thought I was an exception! I thought I was like an innocent sweet little virgin you wanted to defile. And I already wasn’t comfortable with that! But, at least you didn’t think I was a monster.”

 

“Will you just tell me whether you’re breaking up with me?”

 

“Probably not,” Dinesh said. “I should but I’d miss actually getting to have sex with another person, even if it’s just you.”

 

“Okay. Just so you know, that kind of statement is what I mean when I say you’re not that compassionate.”

 

“Well…yeah, I say that kind of stuff to you because I don’t really think of you as having feelings,” he said. Gilfoyle looked at him pointedly. After a second, he couldn’t help but laugh. “I guess I see your point. It just feels weird being with someone who only likes me because I’m a bad person or something.”

 

“At least I like things about your personality. You like me because I’m good at code and am willing to fuck you."

  
Dinesh sighed. “That’s not true. I know I’ve been kind of withholding with not saying that I love you back or anything…”

 

“It’s okay. You’re right about me not having feelings, so.” He shrugged.

 

“Gilfoyle.”

 

“Just for the record, I never thought that we don’t have real conversations until you said it.”

 

“I know we hang out a lot, I just thought…I mean, I’ve never really had a relationship before but aren’t there supposed to be deep conversations about feelings and stuff?”

 

“What about last week when you talked to me about how your parents constantly ask when you’re going to medical school and you have to try and explain to them what Java is every week? I listened to that, didn’t I?”

 

“I guess you did. I guess I just expected it to feel different,” he said. “To feel like a relationship and not just sex with my best friend.”

 

Gilfoyle petted him affectionately. “That’s the first time you’ve said I’m your best friend without cringing. I must be growing on you.”

 

“Mm. Maybe a little. Do you care? Do you care deeply about me with your precious little feelings?” he asked.

 

“Shut up, Dinesh,” he said, pulling him into a kiss.


End file.
